A Waltz by Julie Delpy.

Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts
Let me sing you a waltz
About this one night stand

You were for me that night
Everything I always dreamt of in life
But now you're gone
You are far gone
All the way to your island of rain

It was for you just a one night thing
But you were much more to me
Just so you know

I hear rumors about you
About all the bad things you do
But when we were together alone
You didn't seem like a player at all

I don't care what they say
I know what you meant for me that day
I just wanted another try
I just wanted another night
Even if it doesn't seem quite right
You meant for me much more
Than anyone I've met before

One single night with you little Jesse
Is worth a thousand with anybody

I have no bitterness, my sweet
I'll never forget this one night thing
Even tomorrow, another arms
My heart will stay yours until I die

Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere, out of my blues
Let me sing you a waltz
About this lovely one night stand

ANDY GREGORY

Now I present the talented and beautiful Mr. Andrew David Gregory.

I found a reason

Oh I do believe
In all the things you say
What comes is better than what came before

I Found A Reason - Cat Power

Lover's spit

All these people drinking lover's spit
They sit around and clean their face with it
And they listen to teeth to learn how to quit
Tied to a night they never met

You know it's time
That we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way

All these people drinking lover's spit
Swallowing words while giving head
They listen to teeth to learn how to quit
Better take some hand and get used to it

You know it's time
That we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way

Lovers Spit - Feist

Ughh

Why do I read shit like other peoples blogs when I don't really want to know. So much information in my head right now.
Pictures that create pain and misunderstandings. It happens with everything in my life. Always dancing on the cusp of knowing too much. My impulse to know everything is overwhelming. Such a silly little girl to think I could even try. Welcome to serious pressure. Never a moment of relaxation in my own presence. Well almost never. I see movies and fill my view with people, locations and distractions to keep me from the truth. My camera creates pictures of what I think it should look like. My attachment runs deep. Let's be smart about things now, Maria. No more childlike manipulation. My participation in that department deserves an A. It's like breathing or a shadow to me. Always with me. In all fairness, I am honest and loyal. I know how to giggle sincerely and love enormously. Possibly the best things I know how to do. Thanks, momma. Now, how do I make money on that? There's the trick. I pray the universe will provide.

Something big is beside me now. Walking next to me. So close yet so far away. A fine line featuring the real deal vs. total bullshit. I can see it, smell it, hold it close at night and say everything will be ok. I feel safe and warm. Then I pull the covers away and I'm back to me. You need so much. Without surprise, I have it to give. I'm afraid of you. Visions of holding on and not let go occasionally float by. I manipulate myself. My other lovers tell me I'm wonderful and beautiful and hold me ever so close to their hearts. I know I am loved. But yours is something different. I knew this from the get go. Man alive, I want more. I guess that's why I read blogs I should avoid, look at pictures that confuse me and kiss the mouth of depression. Clearly, I can save you. This I'm sure of. But is my own salvation and success wrapped up in that? Probably not. Definitely not. Love is blooming for new friends. I am lucky. We are lucky. And, I know it's gonna hurt. But, please don't stop. Even if I start acting like a fool.

My Pilars of Creation and other fuel chit chat.

In 1746, Jean-Philippe Loys de Cheseauxan an astronomer from Lausanne, Switzerland presented a list of nebulae to the Academy of Sciences in France. This nebula is listed as one of his discoveries, later photographically documented by what to me is one of the most amazing mechanical creations of our time, the Hubble Telescope. This image known as the Pilars of Creation is apart of The Eagle Nebula, a young open cluster of stars in the constellation Serpen, also discovered by Cheseauxan. These clusters are about 7,000 light years away from earth. One of the reasons why this shit is so fascinating to me is because of the protostar. Ok, fine. A protostar is a large object that forms by contraction out of the gas of a giant molecular cloud in the interstellar medium. Oh my, I love this stuff so much. The gas emitting and creating this mass is mostly Molecular hydrogen. As we know, Hydrogen is a colorless, odorless, nonmetallic, tasteless, highly flammable, the lightest and most abundant of the chemical elements, constituting roughly 75% of the universe's elemental mass and is basically the molecular shit. Properly cooled and combined, Hydrogen has the potential to be one the greatest fuel sources on our planet. NASA uses hydrogen to launch the Space Shuttles. They're even working on a toy model car that runs on solar power, using a regenerative fuel cell to store energy in the form of hydrogen and oxygen gas. It can then convert the fuel back into water to release the solar energy. Incredible! Imagine if this were mass produced and allowed into our global market..the sky's the limit. No pun intended. Iceland has one the largest natural reserves of Hydrogen on our planet. What's stopping us from harnessing the power of Hydrogen to begin production of solar, hydrogen, oxygen and above all clean modes of transportation? I realize the question is rhetorical. Watching the 27 year old man from Utah yesterday bid his way into saving 22,000 acres of oil rich land with prison as a possible outcome, I started thinking about how long it's gonna take to see other forms of fuel begin to take precedence over the clearly decreasing fuel source of oil on the planet. What will it take to finally implement these technologies into a grossly flawed economic fuel formula? The tidal wave of this change would be staggering. I hope I'm live to see the day. In the meantime, I appreciate the 27 year old man from Utah for his ingenious yet theatrical attempt at preserving land. Thank god we haven't been able to fuck up the stars yet. B

CHICAGO vs. LA

Photos taken from the balcony of my old apartment in Chicago, winter 2007.

This is what I don't miss about Chicago at the moment. This is why I'm not there right now. The southern california sun today brought me such happiness. Feels real nice to know that when I go to my friends party tonight, I don't have to wear a million layers and brace myself for the bone chilling tundra. In fact, I'm wearing a dress with no tights!

It's bittersweet though cause in the middle of all this, I miss the smiles of so many of my friends faces especially with Holiday's approaching. I can't believe I have no plans for Christmas this year. Where am I? Ughh. No parties, no cocktails, no prosecco, no chippino, no brother, no hugs. I could cry thinking about it. But, I choose this. This is where I am. At last. Thank god!

I imagine everyone will enjoy the tomato pie I'm making right now. "Cooter Pie" as it's know in some circles. Mulled wine, ginger bread, white bean soup, spiced egg nog. It's on.

Happy December 20th, 2008.
B